how i ended up here!

let’s start from the very beginning!

i have always been interested in anything media but growing up an anxious kid i was constantly scared of people’s opinions. i tend to care about what people think, how they perceive me, and being liked. but i’ve realized that’s just an exhausting way to live. we are here once, why not do what we love. so i wanted to start sharing my work and being me.

onto middle school since i had amazing friends by my side (some i am still lucky to call my best friends) i loved middle school. i was so social and meeting amazing people left and right. i had all my life ahead of me! i didn’t (and still don’t) take much seriously, a side effect of the main part of my lifestyle being humor. middle school introduced excitement, a social life, and more important academics to me. i took a liking to english, mainly because i loved all my english teachers and got along with them the most. i am an english and history kid at my core.

in middle school i found out more about social media and how people can make a living out of it, it absolutely fascinated me. that seemed like the dream but i didn’t think i fit the role. it scared me, all the attention.

then to high school i went, middle school flew by, high school is where i had my whole life ahead of me and it horrified me. what do you mean i have to pick a college, move away from home, pay bills, start a family, and so much more. too scary, big girl pants were still not on.

then i found out about journalism and i was hooked. i was on the school morning news and ended up running our school TikTok account that got 50,000 followers. i felt like i had found my place. my best friends were also journalism kids and we would just film, edit, and write all day long. as i got more and more attached i realized what i wanted to do with my life. and it gave me this comfort of knowing and no more questions, nothing had brought me such joy like this. i felt like i was doing something.

i also fell in love with helping my community, i worked with relay for life and ended up getting involved with our club at school. it gifted me a connection to my grandpa who has passed on and it, again, made me feel like i was doing something. i felt good about myself. i was content.

graduation came and i was ready for the next big step. i felt prepared.

spoiler alert: No one is prepared for the change college brings

the change looks different for everyone. for me i had a blast first semester then plummeted second semester. i thought i was a failure, my mental issues took over. as i said before i have always been an anxious girl, but this was new levels for me. i couldn’t fight it. i was stuck. i didn’t know how to get out of my own way. thankfully i had an amazing support system to get me back on my feet but sometimes you have to be your own support system, i was the one who ultimately had to get myself out of bed which by this point became difficult to do. this is where i leaned heavily on my faith and without this period of time i would not be the person i am right now without it. i honestly look back and i am grateful for it in a sense, obviously i never wish to relive it.

if you pray for flowers, don’t be surprised when it starts to rain

over this past summer i had my largest personal growth journey, learning about my anxiety disorder and how to manage it. it got better, as we know some things just take time. and i know we hate to hear that, we want to get to the next thing and passed it. but let yourself rest, let yourself heal, let it be. give yourself grace.

i worked at a summer camp and i learned so much about myself, my strengths and weaknesses, and humanity. you can learn a lot through a good conversation with a kid about not throwing a napkin across the room at his friend. and the more you begin to take things into consideration and realize everything truly has meaning, the grass begins to look greener on your side of the fence.

now we are here!

and i decided to stop caring about other people’s opinions. and i love it here.

thank you for reading, i’m so excited for what’s to come:)